Think of the Kids when Moving After Divorce

Posted on July 25, 2012

Divorce breaks up more families each year than you would care to count. It is sad, messy and hurts. The kids have nothing to say about it as far as, should it take place or not. Once you put your own feelings aside and step into your children’s shoes, you can start to see how it needs to be handled in as delicate a manner as possible for their sake. The emotional as well as physical upset takes a long time to heal. You, as an adult, need to put your emotions on hold as you deal with the needs of your kids.

Explain and Listen

When the divorce is a final deal you really need to sit down with your children to explain what is going on and what they can expect for the next little while. Once you have told them what the situation is, it’s time to open up the floor for them to express themselves. They might have questions for which you are prepared and others that you just have to wing. Whatever questions they might come up with, take your time to answer as honestly and lovingly as possible.

A Sequence of Events

After explaining, listening and answering their questions it is time to start the moving process. Regardless if you and your former spouse have joint custody or not, you need to make the living situation as comfortable as can be for the children. You might just have them on the weekends or, it might be a 50/50 split but the children need to have their creature comforts in both places. Some of the details that should be attended to include:

• Making sure that they have their own bedroom in each household. A child needs a sense of their own space as well as the familiar. Ask them to separate some of their favorite things to put in each of their homes.
• Taking the high road. Include pictures of their other parent for them to hang on the wall or place on their desk or night stand. They still need to feel that both parents are in the picture.
• Discussing their school and extracurricular schedules so that there is no confusion going from house to house. Your child is distraught enough as it is. Forgotten school books and papers will only add to it.

This is a very emotional topic and we recognize that there may be details you would like to add. Please feel free to share on our Facebook page.